But, I feel the need to get this out.

Day one: 10 things to say to 10 different people.

#1- I miss you so much, and I am proud to call you my best friend. Throughout all the years that is all you have ever been to me, and you’re one of the few people I know I can really count on in the long run. I’ve known you since we were 9 and seeing how much you’ve accomplished in life has never made me happier. I love you to death.

#2- I really don’t hate you anymore. I don’t have any feelings to you at all anymore actually. I am no longer mad at you. I don’t miss you. I don’t care for you. I don’t have any feelings towards you at all. I had a dream you died, and I didn’t feel sad at all. You are dead to me. And you will always be dead. I don’t wish the best for you. 

#3- I’ve deleted this line about 20 times because nothing I say is good enough for the way I feel about you. You’re my best friend and I just want you to know that I will always be here for you if you ever need me to be. I love you. ps. cheer up, I am really sorry about art show. But, try to look at it in a positive way?

#4- Please choke on your own saliva in your sleep and die. I’m tired of your existence. 

#5- I wish you would open your eyes and see that you are turning into your mother. You’re almost at the point of no return and I wish you would have never left. I know I say rude things to you, but that’s the only way I know how to get it through your head. And 100% of what I say is true. I love you so much and I just want the best for you. I want you here with me. 

#6- I am just waiting for the day that I see you. I fist will never be happier touching your face. 

#7- I miss you, and I don’t know why we don’t ever talk anymore when we used to text/hang out all the time. I don’t know what else to say because I don’t really know how you feel and I don’t want to say the wrong thing. Maybe you think everything is perfect between us. And this is a total shock to you. Or maybe we’re in the same boat. Either way. I want us to talk. It’s … just not easy.

#8- I wish you’d realize how amazing you are. You do so much for others and you don’t even realize it. I wish you would give yourself more credit. You’re a great friend, so please stop letting others get to you. Although, I wish you’d open up to me. I wish we were closer. And I wish we hung out more. BUT YOU LIVE SO DAMN FAR. I love and miss you, always!

#9- I recently had a dream about you and I hadn’t dreamed about you in forever. It’s so weird because lately I’ve felt really uneasy when I’m by myself. I never really felt alone, and I always felt like someone was watching me. I could tell someone was there. Then one night, I got this really strong feeling like someone was in the room with me. I thought I was seeing/hearing things. It was the weirdest experience of my life. Then I finally go to sleep, and I see your face. I haven’t seen you in almost 4 years. And there you were, right in front of me. And all we did was hug. One long, tight, squeeze. Neither of us wanted to let go. And I don’t think we ever did. That’s all I ever wanted. And now I know, I wasn’t by myself. I was with you. Thank you for that. 

#10- I never thought I’d say this to someone different, but I am so in love with you. I’m in love with us. Everything we have going couldn’t be anymore perfect. People said we wouldn’t last, but at the rate we’re going I don’t ever see my life without you. I love your family. I love you. PS. we’ve spend the past 4 weeks straight together, every night, you and me. How long can we made this last? :)

done.